You ignored data protection for your computers, your storage, your whole information technology infrastructure enchilada. No backups. Sure, you took snapshots on that fancy expensive SAN – but the SAN crashed and your snapshots were lost along with your primary data. You came in this morning and discovered that you lost most of your data.  Just getting your servers back to their last known valid state is going to take a few weeks.  And your odds of recovering the data which your CEO now calls “the lifeblood of your company” is hovering at just around zero.  Zilch.  Nada de nada.

On the bright side, there is some meaning left in your life.  You’re a cautionary tale.  You’ve fulfilled your purpose by serving as a warning to others.  And that’s worth celebrating!  So we’re going to investigate whether beer or whiskey is a better solution for handling data loss.

Beer of course contains less alcohol, so to forget your stupidity you’re going to need to drink more of it. At the same time – what else are you going to do? Plus you’ll be in better shape after drinking a few brewskies not only because of the lower alcohol content but because beer has more vitamins and nutrients. That’s a huge plus! You’re going to have to fend off the entire secretarial pool who just lost their jobs – and that’s a lot of irritated folks who are psychically willing your small intestine to leap up out of your mouth, wrap itself around your neck, and slowly strangle you.

Whiskey on the other hand is much stronger – which has obvious advantages when you’re seeking nothing more than to rewire your synapses in a manner enabling some type of specific amnesia around backup and recovery. And you’re going to have less fluid sloshing around in your gut as you run for your life as that secretarial pool runs after you with torches and pitchforks.